Go find something else to do, you gullible Googlers.


If you ever want to get a general idea of the pulse of the Internet, you can do one of two things. The first of these is to travel to underground Washington, D.C., where the tubes are rumored to be located, stethoscope in hand. The second is Google trends.

Looking at Google trends today, I found the phrase “what weapon is synonymous with samurai warriors” on the list of keywords. The popularity of the phrase seems to have started around 8 PM last night, reached a peak around 6 AM today, and started its decline until it was merely “spicy” instead of “volcanic”.

The answer, by the way, is a katana.

Let me tell you a little bit about katanas.

In my senior year of high school, we had to film a movie. (It was never completed, by the way. Senior year of high school, remember?) For the movie – it was something of a cross between a Mafia movie and a spiritual awakening, involving a priest, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and a plastic figurine of Jesus – we asked everyone participating in filming to bring in as many weapons as they could find.

If you ever want to know more about your friends, ask them to bring weapons to your house. You’ll be surprised. I know I was.

Somebody had nunchucks. Someone had super soakers. Someone else brought in a katana sword and a small knife.

I don’t think I ever found out about the story behind the sword, but I can tell you it was the real thing. Also, they reportedly hurt when you smack them against someone’s knee. We had to take his word for it. Or rather, pained screaming.

Now you probably think I’m some kind of evil monstrosity, prone to violence and hitting people with Japanese swords. Well, I’m not. Apparently, other people are, though.

In Google trends, if you look underneath the main search phrase, you’ll find a list of “related searches”:

So it might be cathatric to see your friend in pain, but come on, people.

So it might be cathatric to see your friend in pain, but come on, people.

See? You have nothing to worry about from me. It’s the other people on the Internet who are crazy.