Ever wonder just how much people can get riled up over nothing at all? Well, you’re about to find out.

Uncyclopedia, the content-free parody of Wikipedia that anyone can edit, has at some point decided to deem Telford a “chav magnet”. What is Telford, you ask? I have no bloody idea. Look it up on Wikipedia and tell me. I’m completely ignorant on the background of Telford and damned proud of it.

What I do know about Telford is this: People there can’t take a joke, even a poor one. The thing about Uncyclopedia being an editable website is, magically, anyone can edit it. Crazy shit huh? Yes, that means any moron can go on Uncyclopedia, click “edit”, and write something entirely unfunny. Then again, it also means they can write something hilarious. You have to take the bad with the good.

Clearly, at some point in the past, someone (doesn’t matter who) edited the “Telford” article and labeled it a “chav magnet”. Considering this is a parody website that no one is to take seriously, a website that clearly deals in misinformation, humor, and generally lying to the reader’s face in the hopes of getting a chuckle, the people of Telford just shrugged it off, right?


Instead, they had to take personal offense to a simple statement that could have come out of any idiot’s mouth. Here’s some examples.

Civic leaders in Telford have retaliated after cyberpests published a stinging online slur against the town.

A “stinging online slur”? How long have you been on the Internet? “Cyberpests”? People that are trying to entertain others are now “cyberpests”? And lastly, “retaliated”? What are you going to do, prove this mysterious editor wrong, show him the error of his ways, and get the “slur” corrected?

It’s the Internet. You can’t fight it. Calm the hell down.

But that’s only the beginning.

The Telford it describes is not a place I recognise. It’s a good, friendly place and whoever wrote this rubbish knows nothing of our town or the people who live here.

–Councillor Gary Davies

No kidding. Since when do people have to know what they’re talking about to post something on the Internet? Look at Wikipedia, for heaven’s sake.

Some members of our community, inside and outside Dawley, will have you believe that Dawley has no or little positive attributes, but I think this group goes to show that those of us who have been brought up in the area are proud of where we come from, and regardless of where we go or settle will still sing the praises of a town which has a strong community base.

–Councillor Shaun Williams

…but obviously not strong enough to brush away a single line or two from a parody website.

People do not seem to get the idea that not everything on the Internet is serious. And besides, how sure are you of your town, if you get all flared up over a single webpage?

But that’s enough of that. I’m tired of typing words, and you’re tired of reading them. Let’s view a video of a man who thinks he can imitate a real reporter’s style as he valiantly defends the entire town of Telford from the horrors of a freely-editable website that purposely contains falsities.

The question the reporter leaves us with is “Does Telford really deserve the title of ‘Chav Capital of Britain’?” In fact, the more obvious question that should be on everyone’s mind as they approach the end of this video is, “Does anyone really care?” or, “What makes this guy think he can imitate a reporter’s voice when he doesn’t even have enough sense to stop talking when he’s turned away from the camera?” or, “Who told him that hairstyle would look good on video?”

Dear Telford: If you don’t like criticism, please turn off your Internets.