Here’s something I wrote in one of the Uncyclopedia forums after a sudden burst of sarcasm struck me. It’s based off of my username (Dr. Skullthumper) and another user (Cajek).

The next morning, I went out for a stroll. It was a lovely day outside. Well, it was pouring rain, but it was still a lovely day for the plants. No one else was around, at least. It would take a lunatic to be out in this weather.


Oh, bugger.


I turned to face the mysterious sound, and quite suddenly fell to the sidewalk. Something rolled out of my jacket.

“Oh, Cajek, what do you want?” I exclaimed. “What are you doing out on a day like this?”

“I wanted to talk to you, o’course!” the happy man explained. “I looked outside and said to myself, ‘Gee, what a horrible day. Only a lunatic would be out on a day like this. Hey! Skull must be out there!’ And here you are!”

“Yes, here I am, now where’s my new pet?!” I said testily, feeling around the wet sidewalk for the jar that slipped away from me.

“What new pet, Skull?”

“Ah, here it is!” I grabbed the jar and showed it to Cajek. “I’ve adopted a heart.”

Cajek looked inside the jar and squinted at the little beating red pulp. “That’s cool Skull, that’s real cool.”

“Yes,” I said, sitting up on the sidewalk. Cajek sat down next to me. “It’s from the body of a very old man. It seemed bored, so I figured it needed some time away from home.”

“Like a vacation!”

“Exactly, Cajek, exactly!”



“Can I play with it?”

I looked at the heart, then at Cajek. “Oh, I don’t know, Cajek,” I sighed. “It’s his first day out and about and I don’t want him getting too disoriented…”

“Oh c’mon Skull, I’ll take care of it! I’ll love it and feed it and take it for walks – well, maybe not for walks,” Cajek reconsidered. “Maybe more like ‘hops’. You know.”

“Yes, hops,” I murmured, staring off into the distance. Maybe giving Cajek the heart would be a good thing after all. What could possibly go wrong?

“Oh, all right,” I said finally, “you can keep him. But just for the week, mind you! And take good care of him!”

“Don’t worry Skull, I will, I promise!”

“Give him back to me next week! I’m sure he’ll be better by then.”

I went back home after that, shooed Oliver out of the old man’s still-open body, and sat down to watch some good, quality television. After a good hour of flipping through channels, there was none to be found, so I put in a DVD of Pinky and the Brain.