I wish I lived in the era of text-based adventure games. I’d have so much fun screwing with the player’s head.

> Climb stairs

You attempt to climb the stairs and fail miserably. Because while you were out doing things in real life, your character got mindlessly drunk waiting for you. You bastard!

> Get lamp

You’re not the boss of me.

> Explore west

While you walk west, your bladder explodes from not going to the bathroom when I suggested you should’ve.

I wish.

Oh, well. In the meantime, here’s a song about text adventures. Specifically, one named Zork. If you’re bored enough, you can play a parody version of Zork here.