I have nothing against Wikipedia. It might be run by losers who have nothing better to do but develop new rules as a way to follow the old rules. It might have the world’s biggest recorded case of copyright paranoia. It might have less poetic voice than a man with his vocal chords violently ripped out by a pack of dogs. But it’s got to be the world’s best way to waste time.

See, everyone wants to waste time and do something useful simultaneously. It seems contradictory, which it is, but like all contradictory human desires, it makes perfect sense until someone points it out. As kids, we used to have this seemingly impossible wish granted by “Educational Television”, where you sat and vegetated in front of a TV set – but you were learning something.

Wikipedia is “Educational Internet”. Between the Random Page button and those wonderful, wonderful blue links, it provides endless distractions from whatever paper you were supposed to be working on. At the same time, though, you’re learning something! Okay, so that’s bullshit for the most part, but at least it feels like it and that’s all that matters.

Here’s an article I stumbled across: Rhyming slang. Wikipedia defines it as “a form of slang in which a word is referred to by another word or term that rhymes with it“. Looking in the article, it seems more like “a form of slang that anyone can add to, despite having little creative talent or understanding of the original term involved”. Sounds kind of like Wikipedia.

Take a look at the examples if you like. Here’s my personal addition to rhyming slang: A dollar is now a “turtle”. How? Why, turtle = turtleneck collar = dollar. Can I borrow a turtle?