After months of neglecting my old blog, I’ve finally decided to reveal my new base of operations, which can be found here, and also here.

Story time: To explain, I’ve always wanted to have a website of my own, where I can post fiction. is great, but it’s never really been suited for the purpose of standard fiction writing. Blogs are, by nature, reverse-chronological order, and multi-page writing tends to move in a more natural – yet opposite – order. I wanted something where stories and blog posts have equal weight, instead of the reverse-chronology forcing the stories off the front page as more posts appear.

The problem: is anything but customizable. Sure, you have the choice between several different themes, but you can’t edit those themes. And plugins? WordPress users have been modifying WordPress for as long as they’ve been able to, and a wealth of plugins have collected as a result. And being on, I can’t use those.

So screw that. I’m on legit hosting now, and my site looks the way I want it to, with stories and posts both easily accessible from the front page. As of this writing, it’s really not much of a site yet, but it’s a step in the right direction for me.

Where is this blog now? All of the new material can be found on, and the archive of this blog can be found at Why move it? Because I’m tired of having my stuff scattered throughout the Internet – on WordPress, on Blogger, even on some other free webhosts. In the interest of halting this site for good, comments have been closed on anything older than one day – i.e. pretty much everything. Comments are open in the archived version, however, and I consider that version still active, whereas this version is kept frozen.

tl;dr New stuff here, old stuff here, follow me on Twitter here.


If ye be wantin’ to change ye facebook to a more piratey theme, ye best be goin’ to ye preferences, then set ye language, and finally, ye be scrollin’ far down on the parchment to find the spot marked X: “English (Pirate)”. Ye facebook will change immediately and shiver ye timbers! (Or at least ye funny bone.)

If ye not be sold yet: Ye home page become ye “home port,” ye like button become “arrr, this be pleasin’ to me eye,” ye time be measured in hourglasses, and ye wall becomes ye Plank. If ye do it, ye become cap’n of ye own facebook. So what ye be waitin’ for?! Go fix up ye ship’s rigging!

Attention, geeks: Take my advice. Don’t try to put Windows 98 on a Mac.

I blame Mark. We were having a nice, nostalgic conversation about operating systems, and Windows 98 came up. Suddenly, visions of Windows 98 SE running smoothly and brilliantly flashed into my head. Yeah, those were the days. When real OSes were real OSes. When you could customize your desktop themes and change the backgrounds of your folders. When it didn’t ask you to update every other day. Also, back when you could screw around with system files and all Windows would give you was a stern suggestion not to do so.

Several minutes of stupidity later, I decided to attempt an install of Windows 98 on my Mac. My computer proceeded to tell me that, upon booting from the install disc, it wasn’t entirely sure if I had a disc drive. “Well, where’d you get the disc you booted from then?” I asked it, and it slunk back into the shadows of DOS in embarrassment. Several screens of text later, it clammed up, with only a single, mysterious line visible:


As winter break slowly draws to a close, I look back on it and realized I have accomplished almost exactly none of the things I wanted to accomplish. What I did end up doing was struggling with getting PC games to play on a Mac, and then struggling even further with Portal’s fan-made “unofficial prelude”. That game is completely the opposite of Portal. Difficult. Frustrating. But, speaking as a proud member of its extremely tiny target audience, addicting and fun.

Unlike Portal, the game design is atrocious. Often you’ll walk into a chamber to encounter an object or setup that you’ve never seen before, and it’s only trial and error (and a lot of quicksaves) that will get you to the end of each level. Portal trains the player; Portal: Prelude dumps the player in an unfamiliar situation and kills him if he takes one step out of line.

Somehow, I’m not sold:


Found while browsing around webcomic sites.

EDIT AND EXTREMELY HUMOROUS ANECDOTE: So yeah, I like, posted this, and then I was like “where’d my post go?!” and discovered that AdBlock had blocked my post. I know, right?! Like, such a bitch. Srsly, man. So now I totally redid the post avoiding all instances of the a-word. So there’s a lesson to be learned here: Don’t say “advertisement” in the title of a post. Unless you really hate the post and don’t want people to see it. Or at least the cool people, with AdBlock. Hey, maybe I’ve discovered a method to separate the cool people from the uncool people and show only the UNCOOL PEOPLE a blog post. So it’d have to be about how stupid they were. Like, “You Readers Are So Stupid You Could Be Entertained By Looking At A Flashing Advertisement”. And all the cool readers wouldn’t see it but the uncool readers would! And HEY PRESTO no more uncool readers.

This has got to be the most sick – yet hilarious – post I’ve read on the blogosphere today. Some poor woman updated her Twitter with something nasty about her daughters, and another woman called the cops on her. Woman A plays victim and blames Woman B for her actions.

Now, I’d like to point out that they were both being, probably, equally stupid. I’m not sure what the Twitter was in the first place, but clearly it was something awful enough to make someone else on the Internet take action. Anything that breaks the Bystander Effect is pretty serious business. Woman B obviously didn’t know Woman A’s style well enough to figure out she was exaggerating, or joking, or something of the sort. Well, that’s a shame.

But how disgraceful of a mother do you have to be to Twitter something bad about your daughter? First of all, you don’t put something easily misinterpreted on the Internet. That’s because it’s the fucking Internet. But secondly – I’d never even dream of putting something bad about my parents or any member of my family on the Internet, simply because they’re my family. We have a bond like that. But to attack someone in my family, younger than I? Come on; that’s new levels of pathetic. Had either of my parents done that to me, I’d think twice about looking up to them.

I don’t care that it was a joke, or sarcasm, either. There’s something pretty low about making sarcastic comments about your own kids on the Internet.

I don’t think anyone can really fully support either Woman A or Woman B here. B acted without understanding A’s perspective; A put something that could, apparently, be misinterpreted, in a public space. However, A playing victim for an entire blog post is a cracking good read. Check it out.

Comments are closed, because my blog isn’t the place to argue about it.

A kamikaze roll. Seriously, you think they'd have a better name for it.

Because I sure as Hell was one of them. And, fellow sushi hunters, I can only say: I empathize.

Once you get past the misconception that all sushi [a correction: all things called ‘sushi’, whether they are technically sushi or not sushi, because Americans love to mix things up like that] is raw fish and have some at a Japanese restaurant, you start to get the feeling that you’ve missed out on an important chunk of life. The chunk of life that revolves around eating things stuffed in algae and rice, specifically. You realize, firstly, that you were foolish not to try it sooner and, secondly, that you want more.

It starts out innocently enough. (more…)